Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Passing along a message

Hey, BG, I ran into Subway Chick. She said to make sure you got this.

Thanks to Amy for telling me how to put in a photo - I'm sure Subway Chick appreciates it, too!

Pondering the Options

I was about to lug out the dartboard o' decisions, but then I thought "Hey, why not ask around?" The interweb has to be useful somehow, right?

So, here's the list:

1) Alex Eames - Pros: Breathing, walking, hot. Cons: Throws things. May break off straying hand, and stuff down throat.

2) Carolyn Barek - Pros: Breathing, walking, hot. Cons: Isn't taking your partner kinda like taking your sister to the prom?

3) LillyfromPhilly - Pros: Supposedly breathing, walking, hot. Cons: Met on cop chat site, heard her nickname is coldcase. That can't be good.

4) Benson, from SVU - Pros: Breathing walking, hot. Cons: Maybe dating her partner, who seems a little...intense.

I have others, of course. There's a nurse I met the other day, that ex of mine may not have moved overseas yet (don't ask) , I think I hooked up with someone I only know as Munch-ette (again, don't ask) and the list goes on. But those are the top 4. And YES, subway girl is out of the question. She thinks my name is "Amaury Vachon" anyway, and nobody better tell her different.

Hardly Working

When you've got a case, it's all business. But when it's paperwork day, everybody seems to be willing to slack off. Not that I mind, not in the least.

I especially liked that Barek checked out Bobby's blog, because she left on the dancing clips all day, and played this song called "Postcards of Chimpanzees" along with them. If you want a copy of it, email me - she said she'd give me a file. Well, that started a competition to see what song went best with them - they were all pretty funny, but the only other one I remember is "Bust a Move." Anyone else try it? Let me know.

Even Alex was goofing off - she seems to be shopping for dresses for the big party, and I heard her and Carolyn figuring out where to shop. I helpfully pointed out some of the more "cutting edge" boutiques in the village, but she threw a coffee cup at me.

No, I'm not wearing a powder blue tux, and I'm not taking subway chick (I think.) I have a couple hooks in the water, and I have no real problem going alone - I have no plans to leave solo, and that's what counts.

You had some questions

But I don't know if I have all the answers. Well, here goes.

1.) The fire. Or maybe, I should say one of them. We may have hit one or two bars, you see, and sometimes I lose track. I do remember doing someone a favor,(subway girl, maybe) and setting their purse alight.

2) Bobby Goren - I say nothing about yesterday, save that the man does have a fine singing voice, and knows all the words to "Green Grow the Laurels." He also remembers the Queen Mab speech from Romeo and Juliet, but is not enough of a team player to play Romeo if the Juliet is of dubious quality. Neither am I, so I think we just left him out. I think the production went pretty well otherwise.

3) Yes, they call those drinks "Snakebites" for a reason. But you cannot call plain old Blue Hawaiian Mad Dog "antivenom" - well, you can, but it doesn't work.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Quick note from the 24 hour internet cafe

Well, tonight's not over, so I can't comment on that, yet. I'd tell you other stuff, but people are trying to get my attention here.

Hold on - Yeah, I know it's on fire - I started it, didn't I?

Anyhow, yesterday was almost too weird to get into. I really will tell you about it tomorrow, when I have more time...I'll be there in a minute, dammit!...sorry, got to go.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

I would like to point out

If you sleep with a woman you know has killed someone, you automatically get your Mensa membership revoked.

Note I'm not saying "capable of " or "might someday" or "think maybe has" - we've all been there, right? But if you've got proof,that's just dumb.

Pardon me if I sound angry here, but I have a very low tolerance for a certain type of woman. And as for her:

"I mess up relationships."
Nice - you know, sleeping with your SO's sister or best friend, or both, that's messing up. Murder, felonies, living under assumed names; for those, I think you want a stronger term. Or if you're gonna call that "fear," what do you do for "pissed?"

"I'm afraid they only say they love me just to get me into bed. "
Well, duh. Some guys do that - it's a secret? Whoo, watch out, Nicole Wallace, master manipulator who reads people like books is after you - but if you say "I love you," you'll fool her! Hey, I never, ever use the l-word like that. It is to be avoided at all costs.

I sound hostile, don't I? Yeah, well, she sounds like someone I used to know.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

All By Myself

But am I moping? Nah. I think I'm getting the flu, though. I'm something of a connoisseur of headaches, and the one I had an hour ago was something special. Another thing to love about this city, is the abundance of drugstores. The problem is, I only go when I'm desperate, and then I grab anything that might help. I start with an Excedrin base, and work upwards, starting with what's on sale. I can't beleive whatever's in these Nutrin capsules isn't a controlled substance; they aren't mixing too well with the other stuff, and now I feel a bit too much better. I cannot stress enough: do not try this at home.

So I'm going to go out. I figure I'll catch a showing of Walk the Line, then go down to St. Marks and people watch - ok, mostly goth-girl watch. It's like reading about a country you have no plans to visit, but the pictures are mildly entertaining. Maybe I'll give BG a call - sounds like he's moping, and maybe I can introduce him to one of the plethora of screwed-up women who aren't serial killers.

Back Among the Living

Where did I leave off? Oh, yeah, intense pain, strange apartment, and Munch missing, presumed bed(ded).
I gave the aspirin some time to kick in, and helped myself to some cold pizza out of the fridge. I needed to fortify myself in case it was going to be a long trip back home. Luckily, we were still in Manhattan. This is not always the case in these expeditions, but that's a whole other set of stories. Where we we exactly? Well, let's just say that the next time I've got to go to the ME's office, it's going to be kind of awkward.

Otherwise, today was mostly quiet. I didn't get my wish, though. Remember how I was happy that I wouldn't have some sort of lame shopping-oriented crime to deal with? Yeah, well, this is New York. Where else would you find someone stupid enough to rob a doughnut shop within a block of someplace called "One Police Plaza?"
Hint to dumbass: the guy in rumpled suit buying a dozen who says "No, you don't." in response to "I have a gun!" is not the guy you wanted to jump ahead of in line. If I see that stupid trick with sticking your finger in your pocket to fake a gun one more time, I may lose it.
Between me and the five other cops trying to mind our own business and get a snack, he wins the idiot perp of the week award.

Friday, November 25, 2005

I think I'm ok

Luckily, whoever owns this place has every pain medication known to man in their medicine cabinent.

No sign of Munch execpt for his shoes and a trail of black clothes leading to a door that I, for one, am not about to open. Call me a coward; my stomach's just not up to some things.

If anyone saw somebody who looked like me - it wasn't. And I'm sorry for whatever anyway, ok?

I gotta go - this is kinda hard to do outta one eye. I'd like to note that Ed Green's grandma can't take a joke and packs a mean punch for an 80-year old.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Ok, I'm heading out

First off, I should mention that I'm not 100% on this internet thing - hence the fact that there's no spiffy graphics and all - not that simple isn't good. But if people have advice, let me know. I've switched the settings so anyone can comment - but if Munch logs in and makes me regret it, I can change it back.

Speaking of Munch, he finally revealed the plan for tonight. We're doing a Wandering Jew/Travelling Irishman thing - he charted out everyone's place and we're setting off in about an hour. We're in for a long cold walk, but he says it'll be an adventure. It's kind of a mixed holiday visit, according to him. He's picked up some candy for reverse halloweening, and between the two of us, we have kind of the makings of a "thanksgiving dinner" - Wild Turkey, Cranberry Vodka and pumpkin beer. Once the chocolate and the alcohol kick in, he figures one or both of us'll be up for singing, which would count for caroling, but I don't know if "My Way" is anyone's idea of Christmas cheer, and that's the only thing I can remember hearing Munch sing.

But what the hell. I'm feeling festive. Anyone who's home could probably use the company, and we're willing to drag along anyone who feels adventurous. Besides, I'm celebrating the fact that there's no way Major Case'll get dragged into a Black Friday shopping crime. You have NO idea how happy that makes me.

I will now totally deny everything and anything that happens tonight in advance. It saves time.

Weird start to the day

I know I said I'd be back, but I fell asleep in the couch on the breakroom, and nobody decided to wake me up. I missed all the exicitement with that note from that loony Wallace chick, and everything.
When I woke up about 10 minutes ago, I was under a blanket and someone had left a note:
"Dear Mikey - you look so cute when you sleep that we couldn't bear to wake you up. Please remember to wash the drool off the cushions. Happy Thanksgiving."
There was a cookie, too.
When I pop over here, I find a ton of mesages from you guys, and Bobby's gone all sentimental on me.
I put his folder back where it belongs. I have plenty of self-help books that people keep giving me - I can use one of those instead.
I hope you have a good day today, too, whether you're doing the holiday thing or not.
I'll check in when I feel more like myself.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

More Later

I don't have much time now - but I have to say this. Since it seems like there really are women reading this, I have something that nags at me. I wake up nights wondering about it. I've lost more than one relationship over it. Today, at lunch, I looked at my partner, really looked at her, and I had to say it, because I wanted to hear the truth. I wanted to understand.
"Carolyn, " I said. "When I asked you if you wanted fries, you said no."
"I said I'd pay for them, I said go ahead, have the fries. You said no."
"I offered one last time - I said I'd get a double order with toppings. You said no."
"So WHY are you eating my fries? What, are they magic no-calorie fries? Do they taste better because they're stolen? Why, just tell me why, can't you EVER just order fries for yourself?"
She swallowed the mouthful she was working on, rolled her eyes, said "Don't be a grouch," and grabbed some more.
It's the eternal mystery, I swear to god.

Oh, my freakin' head

Anybody who voluntarily went out late/early last night is nuts. Some of us had to stumble home and change for work, though, and had to endure one of the season's first (edited)-numbing blasts of cold weather.
We were doing an elbow-bender in honor of Lenny Briscoe, and to fortify ourselves against the holiday season. I'm going to work Thanksgiving day, but Munch says he's got a plan for the evening, so we'll see.
I noticed Goren dug out a picture from when I was dating his sister...And here I was about to say something nice about the big guy. More thoughts on that later. For now, coffee, coffee, coffee.
Maybe some cinnamon thingys, too.

I'm up late

So, I stopped by a friend's place on the way home, and checked this out. Maybe I've had a few too many beers, but all I'm seeing is..."Desperate," "Sex," and people asking about the pillar at my desk, which I was going to talk about, but Munch here says you may be guys.
Good thing I found out people were reading it, though. I was about to write something about the recurring dream I have about Barek, Eames and a can of whipped cream...

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I get it

This is like a diary, right?
So here's today's big secret. Today, at work, Eames brought in some cinnamon pastry things she made, and somebody ate all of them. Note to self: Bring milk for next time. Cinnamon makes coffee taste funny.

Trying it out

Ok, everyone else seems to be doing this, so what the hell.
Is anyone there?