Friday, January 26, 2007

We're with the Band

Went to a show with Munch last night. Now, that was an experience. He seems to be very annoyed by people who take photos of themselves in public, to the point where he upended a beer down one guy's back right before the "click." He said he was helping the composition, I said he was being a dick. Speaking of that, he also brought a florescent wave in the background of some others.
I mean, I knew this wasn't his type of crowd, and I guess this is his version of grabbing frisbees off his lawn, but I was curious why he even wanted to go. Was he just being publicly cranky?
There we were, surrounded by college kids, listening to some emo acoustical garbage played by some kid I'm old enough to have fathered. I finally asked what was up.
"You see the chick in the opening act?"
"The cute little blond? Damn, John, she's waaay to young for you!"
"Yeah, I know. I'm here to hit on her mom," he said, waving at an older lady by the stage.
Never again!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Dirty Tricks

You know, nobody would think it was funny to feed a vegetarian why was it so hilarious when people tricked me into eating at a vegetarian restaraunt?
Not cool, guys, not cool.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Carolyn, Part Two

Someone has NO sense of humor. I bring over TWO seasons of The Office - I had the BBC version, too, just in case she wanted to compare - and did she appreciate it? She did NOT.
I helpfully explained all the jokes and who was what, and what was happening, but she just got a glazed look on her face and offered me another beer.
Well, since it's a great show, I figured she needed time to get it, so two-and-a-half hours went by before I decided we needed to play a drinking game revolving around it. She said "pass" - but I said "Come on, I'll show you!" I made it up on the spot - drink every time something socially awkward happens, every time the boss doesn't get it, every time there's a Jim and Pam moment, every time you hear "Schrute" - you get the idea. She said she'd just watch me play for a bit.
I have no idea what happened after the first episode after that. However, I woke up on her couch on Friday night, and my mouth felt like I'd been eating Cheetos, lint and paint thinner. One of her throw pillows was missing, too.
I think she wants to pick the show next time.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Checking on Carolyn

Sorry for skipping a day, but I do have a job here. This computer stuff doesn't pay my bills, although I did hear that if I had a webcam, it might.

Anyhow, I'm gonna head over to Carolyn's for some ex-Partner time. This will involve quality television - something she doesn't seem to appreciate - and food. I'm bringing the TV, or at least commandeering the remote, so it's only fair she should handle the refreshments. I hope she stocked up.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Of Holidays and Filler

I've been kind of worried about Carolyn, and now, on top of that, I'm having problems with my new partner. Wheeler's okay, but she just doesn't get some of the rules. One rule is if you have a delicious pastry, the reserve time on that is limited.
I can't let the world's best brownie (with peanut butter cream under the frosting!) sit there unappreciated. I told her it was there. I reminded her every hour on the hour. She kept saying "I'll eat it later."
At the end of the day, she started hollering about the missing brownie. Excuse me? It would have lost the peak of freshness. I'm here to prevent crimes, not assist in them, and letting that tasty, tasty brownie become less-than-perfect would have been majorly criminal. I simply could not allow that. It's not in my nature.
Someone should tell Wheeler that cops don't call other cops "pig." It's very hurtful.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Monk Must Die

Okay, I like webisodes of things, not gonna lie about it. But the problem is, so does Munch. The last Monk one he saw had Monk rearrange a keyboard alphabetically. He thought this would be funny to do to me. I spent yesterday fixing that.
Now, I figure the easiest solution would be to punch him in the face. It seems inelegant, though, so I have a few options.
1) I could unplug his mouse connections. Unfortunately, I think he's expecting it.
2) I could set his computer to Cyrillic - he'd expect that, too, seeing how we did it to Goren. I might add if the person you're pranking can type in Cyrillic, it isn't funny.
3) I could sign him up for some truly horrid porn - but what if he likes it and tells me about it? Not good.
4) I could put a tuna sandwich in his processor box.

I'm thinking 4 and I could punch him in the face as a distraction, so he doesn't suspect me straight off the bat. It's not the best plan, but it's what I have so far.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Absent? Not really!

Okay, you know what? I found out what happened with my email -finally. I haven't been able to log on to this for 4 days. I'm thinking it's Blogger, I'm thinking it's my computer; it was none of these. It was revenge. Petty, stupid, pointless revenge - otherwise known as John Munch.
He snuck in here and changed all my passwords - and I refuse to type in "Imaprettyprettyprincess" to access my stuff. I had to pay my neighbor's 12-year-old nephew to fix this crap. (Do you know what's wrong with today's youth, by the way? Back in MY day, I would have jumped at the chance to get paid in beer. Kid made me paypal him $50.)
This year isn't off to a landmark start.

Thursday, January 04, 2007


Actually, should that be fell-out? When I fell off my couch on January second, I was reminded that I can no longer imbibe with the level of reckless abandon I'd enjoyed earlier.
More precisely, while I had fun, and I think I'm still dating her, the romantic evening is a bit of a blur.
I'd like to point out that I make great mixed drinks, despite the unkind remarks made by some - like John Munch. He was the one who said "Just because you like doing it doesn't mean you're any good at it."
When I pointed out the same principle could be applied to his lovelife, the jerk threw one of my Cherry Vodka Surprises in my face. Touchy, touchy.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


My HEAD. More later.