A Warning Unheeded and Advice Ignored

"Kenny, "I say, "for the love I bore your uncle, I'm warning you one last time. She will eat your soul, pick her teeth with your bones, and look around for her next meal before you're digested. Plus, she will not give it to you. I know her methods."

"But Mike.." Kenny's only half listening to me, since he's trying to keep an eye on the costumed women heading in. They're a pretty distracting lot, I'll admit. Particularily the blue one, Kali, I think, dressed only in strategically placed skulls. At least we didn't need to frisk her.

"But nothing. I'm telling you, you're dealing with Lex Luthor's kindly old auntie. She's an evil genius in every sense of the term. You're hopelessly out of your element here." I wave through an Astarte, a Morrigan and a couple of nymphs. "I need you to focus, Kenny. I'm leaving in a bit. Brunnhilde over there may be a decent security force, but you're supposed to be in charge, and when you drool, it undermines the air of authority you're supposed to project."

"I got it covered, Mike, " he says, while staring at an Erzulie. "You've got to admit, though..."

"What kind of detective are you, kid? Have you overlooked all the little giveaway details? Come on! Did you see those talons she's got - what kind of person files their nails to points? All those silver rings she wears, they're not jewelry, they're improvised brass knuckles!" I am momentarily taken aback as I recognize two of the waitresses from Wang's, dressed as Nimue and Morgan LeFay, if I guess correctly. "Look, she practically invented the term "weaponize." Did you see those keys? Twenty of them on a lanyard? She needs three. The big one works like a punch dagger, and the rest of them are there for weight if she swings that thing like a morning star. She carries a perfume to use as mace - and she doesn't smoke. That lighter's to use with the hairspray. Ever seen a homemade flamethrower at work? It ain't pretty."

"So she's concerned for her own safety. What's the big deal?" Kenny pokes his head in the door. "Oh. My. God. I didn't used to like Placebo, but I think I do now. Look at those two Amazons go. How could someone who brings you a pole and women to dance on it be evil?"

The voice behind me makes me jump. "Yes, Mike, do tell." Did I mention one of KD's talents is sneaking up on people? "Though I wonder that you will still be speaking, since nobody marks you."

I turn around, and there she is in the flesh. Even if it weren't for the golden apples hanging from her belt, I'd know Eris Discordia anywhere. And I also know the answer she expects. "What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?"

"Live in technicolor, Logan. Must you badmouth me in front of my new minion?" There's nothing like the evil eye direct from a minor Greek goddess.

"I'm just trying to let him know what he's letting himself in for." The poor schmuck in question seems to be hypnotized by a girl dressed all in blinking lights, presumably the Aurora Borealis. "Are you going to explain what's going on here, or am I just supposed to assume that your plot is too complicated for me to follow?"

"Actually, Logan, I really don't expect you to be able to understand the amount of networking and complex negotiating I had to pull off to do this. It's doing a massive amount of good on the professional and social levels for a lot of academic and artistic careers, as well as generating some projects that should really benefit a few worthy charities."

"Yeah, and I bet you're also getting well-paid for your time, as well as completely underwriting one of your oversized keggers."

"There's no law against helping yourself while helping others. Here." She shoves a bag into my hands. "I just came out to give you your gift, since this party obviously can't count anymore."

"Oh, you did this all for me, hunh?" She's really pushing it, expecting me to buy this line.

"No, but if you hadn't gotten yourself entangled between now and then, don't tell me you wouldn't have loved it." For a second, she manages to look more hurt than mad. "You sounded pretty rough the last few times you called. I try to help, and as usual, you take everything wrong."

How does she manage to make me the monster in every situation? There are holes for cameras and lighting drilled in my ceiling. I've been chased from my own home, the Bacchantes are preparing to defile every avaliable surface, and me? I'm feeling sorry for the person who orchestrated all this. "Aw, Kate. Don't, don't ...look, we'll talk later this week, ok? Just go ahead back, and try not to break too much."

After she disappears, I look in the sack. Of course, it's exactly what I would have wanted. A large bottle of premium black cherry vodka, some bootleg Hong Kong comedies, and a whole bunch of porn, including the last one her cousin Joey produced, Butt Pirates of the Carribean 2: Red Anne's Chest. If it's nearly as good as the first one, The Curse of the Pearl Necklace...well, even if it isn't, it's the thought that counts.

I sigh, and get it together to go. "Hey, Kenny. Eyes up. Remember, everyone gets fingerprinted, and... " I grab a passing peri, " Ma'am, that monkey is not coming in here. It goes in a carrier and stays there, or you both leave."

"I got it covered, Mike" he says, tearing his eyes away from a kitisune long enough to fake attention.

Well, there goes my paint job. Maybe Brunnhilde will keep him in check. I wanted to warn him that if he heard the phrase "Euan, eaun, eu-oi-oi-oi" he should run, but some things you've got to learn the hard way.

A final indignity:
As I walked out into the cold night, I got passed by a certain man in black, wearing a little pair of goat horns. He wouldn't deign to speak to me, as he pointed out that guests don't mingle with the help on these occasions. That Munch, he's a chill one when he wants to be.