The Purge

I'll get to this later, when I've recovered.
I'm going back to the couch to whimper.
Gone. *sob* All gone. I...I can't...oh, god.

Please tell Alex to stop laughing. I'm in real pain here.....


UPDATE:

Ok, I think....sniff....I can do this now.
On the surface, everything looked fine. Good even. The walls had been repainted in nice, neutral colors - odd, really. Colored walls. Curtains. What will people think of next? True, the comfortable smell of pending laundry was missing, and my butt groove had been fluffed out of the couch, but those I could fix. The most disturbing bits of art were gone, the ones left were rathr nice, oh, and YES, my old tv was missing. I nearly wept for joy. Apparently Steph felt it artistically necessary to steal the old one. I must remember to thank her. The replacement isn't a plasma tv, but it's quite nice enough.
But I digress.

So, a quick sweep of the place revealed nothing markedly odd. There was even a gift in the fridge. I do like brownies. I must've had five of them while trying to figure out how someone accumulates seventeen bottles of salad dressing in three weeks.
I left some out for Alex, but I kept going back to them.
"I can't figure out which of these mustard bottles were already here...eh, I'll keep 'em..." It occured to me how much I like mustard. And hotdogs. When was the last time I had a hotdog, anyway?

Alex was trying to cope with the bathroom. Whatever it was in the tub, it wasn't jello. Jello dissolves in hot water. Then she asked me about the "lamp." I looked at it. Really looked at it. It was so nice...so pleasingly aesthetic. "Leave it." I said, "it really pulls the whole room together. Hey, are there any Fritos in here?"

She reached the bedroom and yelled for a minute. I blinked and said, "Oh, wow. Oh. Um, that's...not mine. Um, I have never seen one of those before...I have NO clue what that's for. But hey, leave it up. Wait, you could test the weight limit on it..." She was soo confused. The look on her face was kinda funny. Okay, really funny - or I thought so.
Once I stopped giggling, I saw that my underwear drawer was open. It looked like something had turned my shorts into a nest, and it smelled musty, like a - "Oh, fer fucksake. I think I found where Fido was sleeping." Now Alex started laughing. Not that it was funny.

Damn, why don't I have any junk food in this place? Except for the brownies. Yum.

So I get back, and she's still trying to figure out the ceiling thing, and I look at the closet ceiling. There's a pink string hanging from it. Odd...
Did you ever watch Captain Kangaroo, where the moose would drop a load of ping-pong balls on the Captain's head? Yeah, it was a lot like that. Only with panties.
Now Alex sounds like she's about to pee herself laughing. It is kinda funny, and I sit down to really think it over. Ok, lie down to think about it. And while I'm down there -ever notice that you can hang onto the world while it spins? - I see that my box o' porn has been moved. That's strange.

So I open it up....and that's when I see the depths of the treachery.....