Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

Well, we got back to the city just fine. Despite a few necessary rough spots, things were good. We got back quite late, things were crazy on Wednesday, and so I wasn't ready to deal with anything until Thursday. I was about to pick up the phone when they told me someone was waiting for me at the desk downstairs.
I caught Alex's eye and shrugged. She gave me the eye right back, meaning that she wanted me to lay down the law today. As I grabbed my coat, I went past her. "I think she's off. I may be seeing her to the airport. You mind?"
"Just as long as you get back in one piece...think you can manage that?"
"I'll do my best. I'll say "hi" to Fido for you, too."
I ducked the file she fhwapped at me and headed out.

Sure enough, it was herself in the lobby, all packed to go. The contents of her pet satchel growled at me. 'Nice to see you, pest. Oh, you brought Fido. I hope you don't expect me to drive you." I waved the hand at her, "I've still got two weeks with this thing."
"Don't be dafter than you have to," she brushed that aside. "I have a car service coming. I thought you'd come along to the airport, that's all."
"Do I even want to know?"
"Of course you do. It's brilliant. NYU's very interested in the system, I have a second meeting with Bloomberg in May, and now I can go take care of Kent's new business in London."
I followed her out to the waiting car, as she explained Kent's "brilliant" idea. Seems they'd revamped Britain's prostitution law, and Kent - who apparently is also a total lunatic, but one with a lot of cash to throw around - wants to start an American themed franchise. Who does he want to market it? The looniest American he could find. "And guess what he prepaid me in? Go on, guess!"
"I dunno. An island?"
"Got it in one! Or rather, three! I've been trying to get these lots in Elounda - that's in Crete - and a big chunk of Milos off him forever, and now he's desperate, so I got him to agree to give me what he's got in Corfu, too. People with hereditary money are astonishingly naive sometimes."
"I hate Corfu. Almost worse than I hate Jersey."
"Are you still bitter?"
"Do I still have scars?" Long story, but trust me - worst vacation ever.

I let her go on for a while, only occasionally questioning the sanity and morality of this whole proposition. Finally, I figured she'd run out, and got a word in edgewise. "Kate, listen," I said, "I think things are changing."
She gave me the weird sidelong look that was one of the first things I ever noticed about her. "That's normal. Things always change. What's your point?" She sucked in her breath. "Oh, no. You're not going to go all bourgeois on me, are you? I knew that one was trouble." She sounded mad, sure, but she looked for a second like she was really going to break on me.
"I don't think it's trouble, and I really doubt it's headed for - what did you call it - the hell of suburbia? But I promised I'd tell you if things changed."
She stayed quiet, and she wouldn't look at me.
"Kate. It's just different, that's all."
"Well, I should hope so." She put her chin back up, and the hard version of KD was back. "I don't need to be replaced. And I've never wanted you for day to day, anyhow. Once in a while is fine by me."
"I know that. That's always been the problem."
"I disagree. I think that's been the solution. We'd never have worked, once you decided you wanted this," she flicked my tie derisively. "I said I'd never do this kind of life, and I meant it. Grow up if you want, Peter, but there's no place for me here. Let her be Jennet, and you can be Tam Lin. I'm happy as hell to be the queen of the otherworld, with or without you."
You know what? I'll skip all the fairy tale allusions that happen when you end up with a minor in folklore - I'm not proud of that - but safe to say, I trotted out the Oisin and faery metaphor, which she did love, and we threw all those other stories back and forth. It made it easier, it always had, to hide it in myths and stories - and that's what those stories are for, to help us understand what we have in the mundane world.

She finally explained something else about regret. I'd read "The Garden of Forking Paths," I don't know if you have, and I won't bore you with details. Suffice to say, it's where Kate got the idea that everywhere, things come together, and you make every choice possible, so there's no use wondering if you should've done better, since yes, you have, and you've also done worse. Here and now, you did what you did, and you follow your path to the end. I knew she felt that way before, but I still had to ask her about the big thing, the one that really drove us apart.
She cut me off sharply. "Sometimes. Sometimes everything seems wrong. I live with it."
"Am I the only one who feels bad about how that ended?"
"Yes. Because it was all about you. Don't be stupid, Mike. For a second I had what everyone tells me I should want, and I panicked. When I realized in that second that deep down, I'd hate you for it, and we'd both know it, there wasn't anything else to do. Did you want three miserable people, or two kind of unhappy ones?"
"Would we have been so miserable, Kate?"
"I think we would. Did either of us try to get that back?" I didn't answer her, since she was right. "Do you need to hear that I don't always think so? I'm as sure as I can be, that's all. But I have my moments. Sometimes I think it could have worked, and that's the worst part of this."
She dug in her purse, and handed me some pictures. "There. If you want proof, there it is. I saw these after I'd been in the accident, and they stopped me cold."

I swear, those were the weirdest things ever. It was the kid from my dreams made into a doll. It stared out at me, but instead of the anger, it seemed content. "What is this?"



"They're just some dolls, that's all. Or a picture of what could have been. I bought them, I put them on a shelf, and I moved on." She took my hand, finally. "I need you to move on, too. It could have ended differently, but it didn't."

She leaned against me for the rest of the trip, not talking. We got her headed in the right direction in silence, and then it was time for her to go.
"Do you love her more than me?"
I'd been expecting that.
"I wouldn't say more, Kate. I'd say different. But you're right, we can't have everyday. That's not us. And I want to give everyday a better try than I have been."
"I guess I'll go."
"No matter how far, Kate, I'm still here. I keep my promises."
She smiled a bit. "And I'll keep mine. I'll be back when I think you need me. I think it may be a while this time, if you don't screw it up."
"It's a deal, you loon." And I couldn't take the whole back-and-forth rude right now, so I held her for a minute."Off you go, then, back to the Island of Apples in the Summer Country, o bride of my lost youth. You to your world, me to mine."
She wiped her eyes and began to pull away. "Be careful you're not in the wrong story again. I might be Calypso this time. Go home. Say "Hello" to Penelope for me. I think she's been waiting a while."
"The wrong story? Never. Eris, Idunna, whoever you are next, I'll see you again to make sure I don't get too old to recognize anymore." I let her go.

I watched her walk through the gate, and that was all. I had the whole car ride back to collect my thoughts.

When I got back to the office, there was noise, the regular chaos and Alex. She raised her eyebrows at me and said "Was that so hard?"
"Nah," I said. She looked really happy, and I realized I had come back in one piece after all. "You were right all along."