In Which I am Not Allowed to Eat in Peace

You would think Wang's Discount Sushi would be a safe haven, wouldn't you? I did, and I strolled in with a spring in my step. Actually, I should mention, earlier this week I finally got someone else to go with me - we busted a nice lady from out of town by accident, and let the department pick up the tab as an apology. It was kind of fun, even though she seemed at bit freaked out at the cuisine. Out-of-towners can be an endless source of amusement.

Anyhow, the waitresses had called in sick that day, but today they were back, in squealing, giggling force. This is normal for Nina,the perky one, but not for Steph, who's usually surly and evasive. I took advantage of their good moods to grill them.

"Did I see you two preparing to do terrible things to my upholstery last Friday, or am I going senile?"

They frickin' bounced up and down and did that thing where they act like they're five and your head is a puppy. If they were older this might have been nice. Since they are literally young enough to be my granddaughters, it was just annoying and slightly disturbing. They calmed down enough to babble something about their grades, and what a great time they had, and blah, blah, squeak, blah. Turns out they're some of the art students doing this...thing that the wench organized.

"I painted the unicorn on your ceiling! Did you like it?" Nina bubbled. "I did the one in the closet, too, and there's fairies peeking out all over...."

I just stared. I couldn't even begin.

Steph chimed in with, "It's really cool that we can do this all week. My script's, like, almost finished. Dr.D said I'd have to ask you if I could smash your TV, though. You're cool with it, right? It's, like, completely the focal point..."

"Dr. D? Kate D? Jeez, you told her you knew me?" There was a burning sensation starting in my gut, and it wasn't from the kimichi.

"Oh, yeah! She saw us wave to you. We told her you come in here all the time...." They started with more of the yipping and the squealing and that's when she swept in like the bad fairy in Sleeping Beauty.

"Serendipity, Mike. Never underestimate its powers. The universe flows as it is meant to flow. Also, if you're as predictable as you are, of course you get caught." She slid into the chair across from me, pleased as a cat post-canary snack.

"I am going to wake up, and you will be gone." I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Or maybe I can just click my heels and get back to Kansas or something before your flying monkeys get here."

"You're not making any sense. Are there hallucinogens in the pickled radish? In that case, I'll have some." She sent Steph and Nina scurrying off for her food, then turned back to me, her preferred prey. " So, when are you coming by? And did you ask the tech guy yet?"

"I said I'd think about it. Get off my back, and go back to the Castle beyond the Goblin City, willya?" If I didn't have to get back to work, and I didn't loathe sake, I'd have been getting a drink at that point.

"If I thought it would help, trust me, I'd have you on your back all day. In the dark, with a gag, so I could pretend it wasn't you, but still, there's no time for love, Dr. Jones. I need an answer - and that answer needs to be yes." Once again, she shifted gears. "Please, Mike. These guys who own the program are killing me - they'll only sell to non-profits, schools and government. And it's not just for me. They're kids, and they've sunk their last dime into it. They want to be altruistic and they're gonna go down hard. The least I can do is push as much as I can." She looked over to make sure the girls couldn't hear. "And the other thing - that one," indicating Steph, "needs her project to go off, or she's out of school. You don't have to let her bust the place up, but if you can come over and do one lousy evening, you'll really bail her ass out of the fire. What's one night?"

It would really be easier to resist her if her eyes were actually the blazing red rims of fire they ought to be. "She is not smashing my television. And I'm not making any promises about bringing anyone."

"Well, I'll just have to take what I can get. Oh, and I hope that includes your car keys. I need to go to Jersey to see Viijay." I guess my thoughts about that showed pretty clearly, since she jumped in with, "What? You can't drive with that hand. And I hate the commuter trains."

"Is that scumbag still running a home-based "pharmacy?" I might just go with you and replay the scene where I tossed him out of the window." Ah, college.

"Oh, for god's sake, Mike, that was three decades ago. He's a neurologist - wife, kids, minivan, the works. People change, you know. Although I think he is still scared shitless of you."

"Well, then, he's not as dumb as I thought he was. Tell him I said hi." I tossed her the keys. "I've gotta get back. Could you call before you jump out of the shadows next time?"

"And lose the element of surprise? Never. How would I get anything done?"

As I left, the girls scurried over and presumably began discussing their blueprints for destruction. Seven more days. That's all.